easy lucky free

I laid in bed last night, on a mattress far too hard, and as I often do, started to cry in time with the first drops of rain on the roof.  Why me? Why am I so lucky as to draw such intriguing, talented, beautiful, soulful people towards me? I stretched out my limbs, first a tree, then a starfish, and my mind paused on each one of them. 

Courtney, who saw me through adolescence, bruised and a damaged, but alive and ambitious. How she could only cry whilst laughing, and her seemingly endless reserves of  forgiveness for me. Our friendship effortlessly drifts between mother and child, sisters, and soulmates. 

Naomi, who makes my deepest thoughts less terrifying, who drives away the niggling feeling that the person I am is deficient, who helps me see that the madness and troubles are all worth it. We can speak without words, and her evil laugh is still my favourite sound.

Zac, who smile and hug across the hall makes every morning that I choose to wake up feel as if it was the right choice. There’s not a more caring, gentle soul than him, and every time he flashes that gorgeous smile, or calls me ‘hun’, I wonder how people like him could possibly even exist. How he does not crumble under the weight of all his concern for the world and everyone around him baffles me. 

Jess, who is like the breeze. She is so soft, and kind, and relaxing; simply talking to her is therapeutic. We just make sense to each other, and her creativity and attitude towards life meshes so well with mine. I adore her.

Blake, with his amazing ideas, and beautiful music and enormous heart, who was always on the other end of the phone when I could only spit consonants out between tears. He continually confuses me with his delusions of inadequacy.

My sister, who is all the best parts of me, without the bullshit, wrapped up in a prettier package. She’s tough and sarcastic, and smart as hell, she’s hilarious and she looks after me in ways that a younger sister never should have to look after an older sister. 

There’s Pi, who’s ever so sweet and fits into our house so perfectly already, there’s Zach Ham who helped keep me sane, and made me feel like I could maybe actually make music one day. Then there’s Savannah and Kobi who continually inspire me to fight the injustices in the world, and to take pride in it. TThere’s Erin and Kirby who stuck around, and supported me even when I was unbearable, and Tim who with the crew, helped me drunkenly forget my problems every week. There’s Taryn who always has a motherly hug and smile, there’s Keiran who feels like an older brother. There’s my 3 from primary school, who feel more like sisters than friends. There’s Kelly and Deeny and Adam the Swede and Cassie who are all ever so sweet and have so easily made friends with me and there’s just so many fucking brilliant people AND HOW THE FUCK DO I DESERVE ANY OF THEM?!!

My fever is spiking again, so end sappy, delirious post.